Dear 2018 | Zafira
Dear 2018,
2017 was a roller coaster of a year. I don't think I've ever been so upset but so happy but so disappointed and extremely overwhelmed all at once in my entire life. It's been a strange one but I'm very much ready for it to end.
I don't want to start this year off with a list of resolutions and things I need to fix from last year because let's be real, I'm never ever going achieve everything on my list. I'm not expecting a lot from this year, just the few important things that I feel will not only improve me as a person but my entire life in general.
I hope that you offer me a range of opportunities because I think I'm finally ready to live my life to fullest. I know this year will be challenging. It's my last year at college and I'll be sitting my exams in May (😭) and hopefully, if I get the grades I need, I'll be off to Uni in September which is insane. In my head, I still feel like I'm 10 years old but I'll be turning 18 this year and I'll be an adult. It's time to slowly grow up and let real life hit me and I'm ready for it.
I have this irrational fear of change but at the same time, I love change. I can't wait for it. I know that a lot of things will change this year, with my education, with family and much more but it's taken me a solid 17 years to accept that these changes are good. Even if they don't feel like it at the time, they'll make more sense as I grow older and learn to understand how if they didn't occur, I wouldn't be where I am right now.
I spent a lot of time in 2017 wasting away my hours, contemplating over things that didn't matter at all and a lot of staring at the ceiling and listening to Kanye's 'The Life of Pablo' all night until the early hours of dawn hit. That's all about to change, I love you Kanye but I think it's about time I sort out my sleeping schedule and spend my time on things that will have positive outcomes. I'm ready to work hard for what I want and I'm extremely determined to tick off many goals on my list this year.
I hope you are sweet to me and I hope that time spent with my family and friends this year are so heart warming that my heart over heats and feels like it's going explode every time I with them. I haven't been a very good friend or family member this year, in some ways, I feel like I've neglected everyone close to me. But, I'm working on myself and I think it's finally hit hard how much my loved ones do for me. I want to make my family and friends proud and be there for them. I want them to feel a sense of warmth and comfort when they are around me.
My camera and art supplies became a little dusty this year. I hadn't been as devoted to capturing photographs and creating art as much as I would have liked to mainly out of pure laziness. It's been harder to create art over the past couple of months, the only time I feel a little spurt of creativity is during class and I feel this overwhelming urge to doodle. I want to desperately work on this year, I want to be the artsy fartsy child I was a long time ago. I know she's hiding deep inside me somewhere. I captured a lot of memories this year on film. I'm in love with my Canon EOS 300 but I feel as if I haven't spent enough time with it in my hands. Capturing memories has been fun but I know that there's so much more out there for me to document and capture. There's so much going on in the world that so so so many people don't see. I want to change this. I want to take a series of images so eye opening that it changes the way people think and see. I'm done with all this tumblr-y stuff that people expect of me when they see my work, it's not what I want to do anymore. I want my work to have more meaning.
I want to spend more time on here. I love writing. It's something that feels so natural so to avoid it and not spend anytime doing it feels wrong and uncomfortable. It'll be hard to find the time to put in but I will find time and make this my own little cute personal space on the vast web. I've done this place up a little bit and found a name I quite like, 'Zafira Ahmed' seemed a bit too plain Jane. I really like this new name.
Charles Buckowski said "I was waiting for something extraordinary to happen, but as the years wasted on nothing ever did unless I caused it" and I intend to live by this everyday this year. In 2017, I felt bored with my life, it seemed as if the days were all blending together, there was no difference between them. I want to do exciting things, big or small. I want to be spontaneous and not live by a structured day to day schedule.
2018, please go slowly. I feel like my whole life is flashing before my eyes already when I've barely just hit 17. I want to enjoy every aspect of my life so thoroughly and vividly that the memories stay with me forever. Whether these memories are good or bad, I'm ready to experience them.
Yours sincerely,
Zafira
x
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